T​.​E​.​P​.​F​.​K​.​A​.​L.

by Anchoress

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released May 10, 2016

T.E.P.F.K.A.L. was written and performed by Anchoress
It was recorded, mixed, and mastered by Jesse Gander at Rain City Recorders, in beautiful Vancouver, B.C.
Guest vocals on "The Goddamn Guitarzan" by Courtney Karg
The quote you hear in "The Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer" is from Step Brothers, arguably one of the best movies ever.

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Track Name: The Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer
To the bridge!
I guess we need to build it first,
What about the rest?
Are they strong enough to make it to the end?
Where are you now?
Nowhere to be found.
Can’t you see it’s changing?
There’s no time to stay calm, to keep close or stay warm,
Don’t make this worse, just run until you’re home.

Don’t make this worse,
Raise your head, your hand, now pick up the pen,
The dotted line is your only friend.
Now’s your chance to be someone.

We found a pawn, to speak aloud,
To fill the air, to calm the crowd.

Years of cold
Pervade the young and old.
We all want to answer the call but no one hears the tone,
Whispering reasons to not scream out loud.
Is this as good as it gets, or am I missing out?

This again,
Misery, my only friend.
It appears I’m trapped inside but I can’t see the walls.
I’m finally coming home, to stay close, to stay calm, to stay warm
Like before those teeth and jackets.

Just smile and shake hands, you’ll fit right in.
You’ll be a child, you’ll be a man.
You’ll be alone, get used to that.
You’ll be above, they’ll be below.
Now, just smile and shake hands.
Soon you’ll fit right in like the best of them.

We’ll count the time by the breaths we take,
We’ll leave them breathless in our wake.
I’m not coming home.
This is my happy family.
Smile and shake my hand.
Look at me fitting in like the best of them.

I am king,
History in the making.
Let’s all join hands, pay tribute to the awful sound.
This is the ringing of the bell.
Let’s all join hands.
Track Name: The Goddamn Guitarzan
“You took my heart…”

Your first mistake was sailing out into the rain,
The second came when you told the ghosts your name.
Following your heart into the dark,
Right into the jaws of a shark.

And the ocean fills your lungs and pulls you down into the depths,
And the ghosts who caught your tongue then gave you back your breath.
With pocked pearl eyes, you turned your gaze back to the shore.
Rebuffed at the reef, this is your home forevermore.

Howling back: “love is the fall of every man,” and, “why’s it always me?”
Growling:“you misunderstand, little man. Your failure’s made you free.”

Skin to scales and an empty chest,
Coral bones and all the rest.
Pearls seek the Siren Queen,
Stepping out of the sea with a knife in your teeth.

You took my heart
And the breath in my lungs.
You took my heart
When you sang your song.
You took my heart
In your hands with a knife in your teeth and sank back into the sea.

You’re not what you possess and things aren’t what they seem.
Hiding those treasures in your chest will only garner pity.
Tonight you stole from a queen, young thief, soon you’ll find out what that means.
Never sleep, never stop, I will hunt you until you drop; you’ll never escape me.

For your crimes against me,
I give the justice of the sea.
I’ll cut your head from your body,
Give it the fins of a guppy.
Wrapped in kelp and seaweed,
You’ll never escape me.

Skin to scales and an empty chest,
Coral bones and all the rest.
Pearls seek the Siren Queen,
Stepping out of the sea with a knife in your teeth.
Tonight you stole from a queen, young thief, soon you’ll find out what that means.
Never sleep, never stop, I will hunt you until you drop; you’ll never escape me.

“...And now I take it back.”